We all know beards have been common since cavemen were walking the earth, trying not to get savagely throttled by their Jurassic counterparts. Despite that, the fact remains some were way more memorable than others. In fact, they’re so burned in our bearded brains that they’re the first ones you think of. While the list is lengthy, we’re going to run down who we think had the best chin farms in history. Buckle up, oil your beard and let’s get down to business.
5. ZZ Top
Part of what’s known as “That Little Ol’ Band from Texas,” ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill (RIP) make the list at number five. They had a huge following in the 1970s, but things really didn’t start growing (see what we did there?) until the MTV boom of the 80s. While they were famous for spinning guitars, maybe spinning facial hair would have made them bigger. Ironically, the only one without a beard in the band was the drummer...Frank Beard.
4. Colonel Sanders
Who doesn’t like fried chicken? Especially when it’s made by the bearded wonder Colonel freaking Sanders. The food icon opened his first restaurant in 1952, and was an icon up until his death in1980. While he’s gone, his spirit lives on in commercial portrayals. Actors sporting his famous chin whiskers have been aplenty. This brings up one of the best movie lines in history from NASCAR legend Ricky Bobby. “To quote the late great Colonel Sanders who said, I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”
3. Charles Darwin
While most people think of stupid people doing really, really dumb things when they think of Charles Darwin, you can’t deny his luscious locks of gray. Oh yeah, he was also a brilliant scientist. He is known as the father of the Theory of Evolution. Too bad some of the Darwin Award winners didn’t evolve. One of the 2022 winners was a guy who got out of his car at a car wash and left it in gear.
You guessed it, it ran him over and left him for dead. No word on whether the victim was bearded.
2. Sean Connery
While he made his name initially as the clean shaven master spy James Bond, Sean Connery was no stranger to some well groomed whiskers later in his career. He was sporting an absolutely majestic gray beard as he guided a Russian submarine crew in the 90s hit “The Hunt for Red October.” Despite his Scottish accent, that pile of aged beauty on his chin was enough to make anybody forget his wasn’t a Soviet naval commander.
1. Santa Claus
I’ve seen St. Nicholas a lot lower on other lists, but c’mon man! Santa Claus is a legend among legends. Nobody else with a beard gets brought up every year for a few months at a time. Retailers will tell you Christmas easily starts after Halloween, filling aisles and aisles with decorations. Santa would be nothing without that beard. It’s indeed magical, and that’s why the fat man in red is number one on our list.
If you disagree with our list, that’s fine...we all can’t be right 100% of the time! Leave us a comment with your own top beards throughout history. Be safe and beard on!
- The Bearded Mack